Old, but still true

Recently, during research at my Crystal Falls laboratory, my ‘assistant’ DJ and I discovered the following element. I am reasonably confident that other like-minded individuals have uncovered this same truth. We have been able to publish our findings ahead of the rest. You may all use your own capable scientific minds in applying simple logic to confirm our results.

“ This is the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv) has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 85 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years, it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isadopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion suggests that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administration, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons…….” Respectfully submitted: Dr. T. Geexer, and DJ “Honeycutt” MD (Moron Detector)*